COUNSELLING AND THERAPY WITH LINDA ZANNAFFE OMOLUABI
THE DEVASTATING BLOWS HUMILITY RAINS ON A WOMAN
All you get from men is shabby treatment. You are meek and tender and everyone who comes across you notes that. Your meekness and simplicity is akin to that of a child.
You wonder why on earth any man would let go of an easy going woman like you so easily.
When you spend time with a man, you do everything to prove to him that you are a good and humble young woman. You elect to cook, do the dishes, clean up his apartment and even do his lundry. You leave no room for him to wonder if you truly are a good woman. But oftentimes, upon leaving him, you wait endlessly for his call- it hardly comes.
You are often pained. You wonder, "in spite of all I did/do for him, he still treats me this way." Your heart bleeds. You are giving so much of yourself and not being appreciated by the man in your life. Others before him did not too.
You will like to be appreciated by your man. Like every normal young woman, you want him to gift you with cash, perfume, dresses, shoes. You want him to take you shopping. He does none of this and you have never demanded that he does. You are preoccupied with proving to him that you are not into the relationship for what you can get.
You want him to know that you are a different breed of woman. Sadly like others before him, he just can't seem to see the angel in you. You believe your humility and undemanding nature should cause him to make you his forever but he remains detached.
However, you are still happy that you invites you over every weekend where you get the chance to play the humble woman - fulfilling his sexual needs just as he wants it and putting his apartment in order. At least you get to spend that time with him you console yourself.
But one weekend, he does not invite you over. You try to call him and he does not pick your calls. You are hurt for a while until the usual humble side of you decides that a good woman will in this instance go and check on her man to ensure all is well with him.
You go see if all is well and your discovery is in line with what fate usually befalls every humble and nice young lady - your man is with another lady. You are devastated!
But how? why? You ask yourself.
To your utmost shock, he is serving her the meal he prepared and there is no sign that she is impressed. Unlike you, there is no attempt on her part to impress him. It is easy to see that she is some arrogant and entitled young woman and you can't understand why he is still fawning all over her.
You sit for a while ignored by both of them until you meekly say, "I guess I must be on my way". There is no drama on his part, he simply says to you: " we shall see".
The tears come pouring down as you leave all alone. As you walk away, you are just sure, so sure you are cursed. "You think about your endless sacrifices in humility to he whom you know you must know refer to as your ex and you ask yourself: " what did I do wrong?"
What did you do wrong? Yes you were all wrong. Your humility was only the mark of low self esteem. If a man comes for you, it is his job to prove to you that his love his true all through the dating and courtship period.
You are the one doing the choosing and you must lie low and demand to be impressed. But because you had suffered damage your lack of self worth came to the fore and wrecked your relationship.
Believe it when I now tell you that a functional man loves to impress the lady he saw and liked and pursued. He will refrain from serving a woman he went after if he finds out that she treats herself like a maid all too willingly. He is all too aware that you will be the keeper of his home if you both eventually succeed in walking down the isle and he wants to impress you so you can agree to walk down the isle with him.
Do not turn the table or switch the roles by false humility which sends out the red flag to him that you do not know your worth. The good man will immediately start looking for someone else.
Be yourself and let him impress you. Ask for what you need, that is charming audacity. A functional man can't resist that. Remember he asked for a relationship from you because he fancied something about you. He is already impressed with you, your being. If you say yes, in the course of the relationship, you must wait on him to prove himself so you see if you indeed find him worthy to be a long term partner.
False humility will only cause a woman repeated devastating heartbreaks.
LINDA ZANNAFFE OMOLUABI
RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE THERAPIST AND MATCHMAKER
I am just the right therapist to consult with on issues bordering on low self-esteem.
Send me a mail@zannaffe16@yahoo.co.uk to book an appointment.
Book an appointment with me on WhatsApp through: 08070812497
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