STOP DAMAGING YOUR CHILDREN

 COUNSELLING AND THERAPY WITH LINDA ZANNAFFE OMOLUABI

STOP DAMAGING YOUR CHILDREN 

A woman witnessed the scenario below and made it public.

"I went for visiting day yesterday. One woman was sitting beside us, she was lamenting in Yoruba language but I could hear that she was talking about the son’s guardian, the way his belongings are missing and all that. All I can see in that woman’s face was bitterness.   I could not see any excitement from her when the son came out, she was still talking while the son stood and watch her.  The husband came and told her to calm down, that is ok, but this woman continued with her unnecessary ranting.  In my amazement, the husband said “nonsense woman, will you shut up” heeeh  my people of God, This woman flared up     https://www.crediblemediasource.com/2021/11/stop-damaging-your-children.html  and started abusing the husband with all sort of demeaning names.   This Little boy in JSS2 just carried his bag and went back to hostel.  His dad started begging him to come back but he refused. He cried to hostel.  The man left without the wife. The wife left with her cooler of rice and other things she brought. "

FROM THE THERAPIST

The melo-drama enacted here is common place between couples who are in a dysfunctional marriage and because there is a child perhaps children  in the union, it is  better described as a dysfunctional family- dysfunctional because both partners in the union do not have the maturity expected of adults. It is worse when you consider the fact that they already have an offspring or more. You may ask yourself: if parents descend this low and throw tantrums before their children, how well equipped are they to bring up these children to be reasonable partners in their own marriages?

That is the saddest part of this kind of display which is frequent in dysfunctional families- saddest part because young children's subconscious minds are conditioned through the people closest to them. More precisely, their parents, who are their earliest and closest role models as far as marriage is concerned. This happens without the children knowing it.

Even while a child from a dysfunctional family is traumatized by parents who are always at war with each other and vows never to be in a similar union, they often find themselves in a similar marriage or a worse kind. This is why dysfunctional patterns of marriage often run from one generation to another. What is merely enforcing this is the fact that dysfunctional patterns are subconsciously imbibed by offsprings who go to on to enact same pattern of marriage which their own children get subconsciously programmed into - it goes on and on. 

Only a few people are able to defeat subconscious conditioning through an extraordinarily strong will. The truth is that this set of people have to be searched for by a candle in broad day light. Almost the entirety of children born into families where the partners who formed the union are unable to resolve conflicts harmoniously repeat the pattern.

A mere uttering the words: " I will never be like my father or mother"  is of no avail here. The subconscious mind is that part of you that you are not even aware of. You may call it self-acting. It learns and absorbs repeated behaviours of the closest people to you in your formative years without your being aware. Now how can you fight what you are not even aware of.

Once your subconscious mind is negatively conditioned from your earliest childhood only professional help can disconnected you from the dysfunctional tendencies you have assimilated from the parents who raised you.

This is why governments in many advanced countries who care about the overall welfare of their citizens remove children who are growing up in families where parents are always at logger heads and take charge of their welfare. These governments are well informed and know about the workings of the subconscious minds. They know that these children will end up entering dysfunctional marriages and bring up children who will also subconsciously imbibe their ways and repeat same dysfunctional pattern.

The best bet for couples in a marriage who cannot find peace between each other is to reach out for help from a professional.

Linda Zannaffe Omoluabi is the Founder/President of Initiative Against Dysfunction in Families,  a registered NGO. She is a licensed therapist who was born into a dyfunctional family and has been through a dysfunction marriage and is therefore equipped all-round to help you overcome relationship and marriage issues.

If you have been experiencing  unhappy/abusive patterns in your relationship, Ms Linda Zannaffe Omoluabi, can help you effect a disconnect from this pattern so that you go on to experience a more fulfilling relationship or marriage.

Send me an email through againstdysfunction@gmail.com

Connect with me via WhatsApp through the phone number: 08070812497